I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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