I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
