If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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