I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
