I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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