what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
