Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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