my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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