he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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