The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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