dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
