he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
