Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
