Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
