im about as happy as oj after his trial
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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