i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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