Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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