I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
