No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
