please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
