Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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