it hurts more in the daytime
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
