i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
