I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
