Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
