Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize