Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
