why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Found the puke drawer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
