what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
