walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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