I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
