Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
