She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
