i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
