Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
