Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
