Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
