I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize