neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
