I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
