And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
