yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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