what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
