i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
