NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
