i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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