my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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