It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
