I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called his prostate his "boner button".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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