thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
