Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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