the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
