What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
