You're completely useless in the revolution.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
