I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
