Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
