well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
