hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize