Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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