I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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