Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
